LONG LONG DAYS OF UNHAPPINESS AND SORROW or when will it stop hurting so much

More than a month ago, since my last post.

I haven’t been so well.

This was Matthias‘ birthday on 14.April, he would have turned 22, but is forever 21 now.


We celebrated with coffee and cake as we always do when there is a birthday in the family and even bought him a CD.

Frank and Danika sent flowers from Germany and I bought some white roses for him, as we had in the chapel for him last year.

Shortly afterwards my father in law died.

Here is a photo  of Matthias and him in 2009, when Grandpa took him to Germany.


My father- law’s name is Erwin and Matthias’ second name is also Erwin. I don’t know if this says something, but these are things coming up in my mind when I look at the picture.

And then I was back deep down into depression again, was lying in bed for 3 days crying mostly of the time. I am back on anti depression medication 2tabs this time. I have been to a psychologist. Feeling empty, trying hard to find my way back into life again for the second time for my remaining children and my husband.

But I guess until the 25.May is over this year, I will not succeed. This day lays over my life, like a dark cloud.


I do not have the strength to go to Yoga anymore. Maybe it is the winter time, as it is dark already when I should leave home for Yoga in the evening. I do not like the cold neither the darkness.

And I cannot find anymore art & craft things to do to distract me. Not working anymore. But I finished the blanket for little Sabrina:


and Frank took it along to Germany and from there it needs to be posted to Ireland, where my sister and Sabina live.

I hope next time I am posting will be a bit lighter and brighter.

Take care.

Love and light.




4 thoughts on “LONG LONG DAYS OF UNHAPPINESS AND SORROW or when will it stop hurting so much

  1. So gerne würde ich dir einen Teil der Dunkelheit abnehmen, dich in die Arme schließen….
    Du weißt, du bist bei uns jederzeiz willkommen…..
    Ich umarme dich….Heike

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