Lately I am working a lot more on my iPad. I just downloaded the WordPress app and feel drawn to write a little update.
So let’s see what is new around here.
First of all I am off my Prozac like medication (again…) and it feels great. On Thursday the mark of counting climbed to 2 years and 4 month. Nearly 2 1/2 years,since my son Matthias gained angel wings and I had to give my best every day to survive. It was not easy and we experienced lots of ups and downs, as the followers of my blog can recall. (Any first time readers, please feel free to scroll to my posts and add your lovely comments and if you like what you see, please follow me on my journey)
The all over situation here is more or less ok. I’m feeling a little depleted nowadays, I kind of lost all my zest and energy concerning my job in the kindergarten. I’m trying to figure it out, but cannot come to any solution.
I so thought this job would be the optimal one, a permanent one, my life purpose, the children. Why do I feel I have to move on again? Am I overdoing my motto
“Do what you love / listen to your inner voice” too seriously? Aren’t there situations you should ignore it for the practical issues, like I have a secure income and the working hours and holiday times are very convenient? I’m lost here. What more do I want? Is it only a spur of a moment feeling, because my energy reserves are depleted? Fact is there is a change in management to come, which I am uncomfortable with. Is this a reason to my unhappiness? Is this reason enough to give in? Or should I ignore my inner voice and think reasonable?
Another fact is, my family and some friends would freak out, if I would quit. This is for sure. They have seen me bloom in the last 1 1/2 year since I have started this job. They would not understand it at all and will for sure convince me to stay. This it what makes it so difficult for me. They have seen me happy and content in the last year. It was a huge step back into life for me and I guess also for them. Seeing me being “happy again” must have helped them on their ways too. And I am grateful for that. We deserved that all together after this tragic accident. To finally see a tiny bit of light at the end of the tunnel.
But what is the big picture behind all this? The signs and messages I receive from Matthias are that he died to help me on my way. To gain more knowledge about what really is. He died to show me the path to the Universe. To see the truth. To open my narrow minded consciousness. Just like Jesus did. He died for me so that I can rise above the believes we were taught throughout our whole lifetime. Starting the second we were born. And forgetting our true abilities. To forget who we really are, what we really are. Love and light.
This is Matthias’ mission. This was his first message to me, when I turned my unbearable grief towards the Universe via taking Reiki sessions shortly after he died. It didn’t make so much sense then, but I am surely must have been more conscious now to see behind the veil to understand the full meaning of all there is. And I feel obliged to take on Matthias’ offer with all I am.
Actually this erases out all my previous question above. How wonderful writing your thoughts down can turn out. It always amazes me how inspiring writing is. And the immediate messages you are getting afterwards.
Now all makes sense again.
This doesn’t mean that I will quit head over heals now. I have to let patience and time work for me. And I have to trust and believe and remind myself daily to be grateful for all I have. In time the right doors will open for me and I will see new opportunities coming my way abundantly in all 7 areas of my life.
I thank my beloved son Matthias for all he has done for me and for always putting me back on the right tracks. And I thank the Angels for helping me to be patient, which is not my biggest attribute, and to trust my inner voice and never forget to just believe in miracles.
Love and Light to all of you