MY INNER VOICE or trust and believe

Lately I am working a lot more on my iPad. I just downloaded the WordPress app and feel drawn to write a little update.
So let’s see what is new around here.

First of all I am off my Prozac like medication (again…) and it feels great. On Thursday the mark of counting climbed to 2 years and 4 month. Nearly 2 1/2 years,since my son Matthias gained angel wings and I had to give my best every day to survive. It was not easy and we experienced lots of ups and downs, as the followers of my blog can recall. (Any first time readers, please feel free to scroll to my posts and add your lovely comments and if you like what you see, please follow me on my journey)

The all over situation here is more or less ok. I’m feeling a little depleted nowadays, I kind of lost all my zest and energy concerning my job in the kindergarten. I’m trying to figure it out, but cannot come to any solution.
I so thought this job would be the optimal one, a permanent one, my life purpose, the children. Why do I feel I have to move on again? Am I overdoing my motto
“Do what you love / listen to your inner voice” too seriously? Aren’t there situations you should ignore it for the practical issues, like I have a secure income and the working hours and holiday times are very convenient? I’m lost here. What more do I want? Is it only a spur of a moment feeling, because my energy reserves are depleted? Fact is there is a change in management to come, which I am uncomfortable with. Is this a reason to my unhappiness? Is this reason enough to give in? Or should I ignore my inner voice and think reasonable?
Another fact is, my family and some friends would freak out, if I would quit. This is for sure. They have seen me bloom in the last 1 1/2 year since I have started this job. They would not understand it at all and will for sure convince me to stay. This it what makes it so difficult for me. They have seen me happy and content in the last year. It was a huge step back into life for me and I guess also for them. Seeing me being “happy again” must have helped them on their ways too. And I am grateful for that. We deserved that all together after this tragic accident. To finally see a tiny bit of light at the end of the tunnel.
But what is the big picture behind all this? The signs and messages I receive from Matthias are that he died to help me on my way. To gain more knowledge about what really is. He died to show me the path to the Universe. To see the truth. To open my narrow minded consciousness. Just like Jesus did. He died for me so that I can rise above the believes we were taught throughout our whole lifetime. Starting the second we were born. And forgetting our true abilities. To forget who we really are, what we really are. Love and light.
This is Matthias’ mission. This was his first message to me, when I turned my unbearable grief towards the Universe via taking Reiki sessions shortly after he died. It didn’t make so much sense then, but I am surely must have been more conscious now to see behind the veil to understand the full meaning of all there is. And I feel obliged to take on Matthias’ offer with all I am.
Actually this erases out all my previous question above. How wonderful writing your thoughts down can turn out. It always amazes me how inspiring writing is. And the immediate messages you are getting afterwards.
Now all makes sense again.
This doesn’t mean that I will quit head over heals now. I have to let patience and time work for me. And I have to trust and believe and remind myself daily to be grateful for all I have. In time the right doors will open for me and I will see new opportunities coming my way abundantly in all 7 areas of my life.
I thank my beloved son Matthias for all he has done for me and for always putting me back on the right tracks. And I thank the Angels for helping me to be patient, which is not my biggest attribute, and to trust my inner voice and never forget to just believe in miracles.

For now,
Love and Light to all of you



4 thoughts on “MY INNER VOICE or trust and believe

  1. Dear Kirsten,
    thanks you very much for your comment. I appreciate all comments!!!!!
    And thank you for being so honest.
    Believe me I have already done everything you suggested and I have 2 passions I would love to do and make a living off every day. One is my writing and the other is Reiki, being a healer.
    So far none of it has been profitable. I had no clients, or at least non of them paid me for my Reiki sessions, even after I have set up a web site with my own domain offering distance healing. Just before I clicked on my blog, finding your lovely comment, I cancelled my subscription of the web page and deleted my site. This does not mean, that I am giving up. I am intending to go pro with my blog on Word Press and try here to live my 2 passions. Writing and Reiki healing.
    As on writing. I love to become a successful author and recently compiled a self helping guide and while offering it on Lulu self publishing page, I have got lovely resonance. Not from paying customers, but from Balboa Press, a division of Hay House. They have phoned me 2 weeks ago and offering me a sort of workshop on writing and publishing and at the end to publish my book and help me to sell it. Guess what. It costs a lot of money, which I do not have…yet. They even offered me to pay it off in 3 installments as they believe the kind of idea I had in my mind with this e book would exactly meet their profile.
    Now I am editing, adding and re-writing my idea so far and trying to raise the money for the workshop in the meantime.
    My idyllic picture of my future is staying at home completely doing Reiki healing sessions and writing all day.
    But as I have to add to the daily living of my family, it is not possible right now. I have to keep the financial aspect in mind. I have to provide for them.
    For you my “answers” may be a philosophy and maybe it is. For me this philosophy helped me through the last 2 years. Step by step. Day by day. And without my believe and trust that there is more as our so call “reality”, I would have been lost completely by now.
    Maybe my posts are kind of weird to some of the readers, but writing down what is bothering me and simultaneously listening deep inside me for the answers is helping me to calm down and it sets me back into a positive mood. Sometimes I just write and write and write without going back and editing, as if I would do it, I would have deleted lots of posts before publishing.
    Anyway, I really appreciate your comment and I hope I will see more of it in future. Your thoughts helped me to get an even clearer awareness of what to do next. Thank you.
    I will keep all of you informed in a future post.
    Keep well.

    Love and light

    • Hi Claudia,

      Besides studying Art I also studied English…actually it is one of my majors. šŸ™‚ If you ever feel like passing some of your writing on to me to have a read through and comment…I would love to….if it is in English….my German sucks. LOL. Good luck with your endeavours. I can definitely imagine you as a writer and healer.

  2. Hi Claudia,

    Quite interesting how I got to your post…I was scrolling randomly through my Facebook page looking for something to strike my attention. So I found this message of helplessness and anguish littered with rhetorical questions. In a way I wondered if commenting on this post would somehow sully the the writers intention, your intention. Since you already seemed to have ‘an answer’ in the same blog. For the following reason I am not completely convinced by the answer as it is more of a philosophy and resolve then answers to your life questions…..maybe it would be good to have a think on it-or not šŸ˜‰
    As you can read I decided to comment anyway. Instead of answering your questions I will ask you a few more. If you could do anything in life what would this be? Do not judge your answer in terms of economical or social value. I guess when you go to work/home/play look at the things you are missing that recur…the thoughts that pop up for half a second that we ignore.
    Also if your family and friends like to judge you because you are trying to find your niche in the world then maybe it is time to ignore what they have to say on that specific topic. šŸ˜‰ Being related or a friend does not make us experts on YOU….so basically only you will know what is right….and you will feel it throughout your body. No need to feel guilty for wanting to be happy.

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