FOR MY FRIEND MARIANNE KEIL or please help and donate



This is Marianne Keil.

Shortly after this picture was taken in March 2014 at Erindi Game Reserve, where we have spent a lovely long weekend together, she was diagnosed with leukemia.

From one hour to the other she needed to be flown from Windhoek, Namibia to CapeTown for treatment.

As this wasn’t bad enough at all, while the doctors had to do a smaller operation while putting a stand for the chemo therapies, she observed severe burning wounds, as this was done by laser.

By now she had receive a bone marrow transplant from her brother and she is doing relatively well and will come home, if no other complications will occur, at the beginning of 2015.

Now the family is burdened with huge medical bills, as the medical aid has been depleted long ago.

To help her and her family to cope with the bills, the Cancer Association here in Namibia founded THE MARIANNE KEIL TRUST FUND. Several events have been held so far to raise money for the Fund. But there is still a huge hole to be covered.

I asked myself what I could do to help and raise money and I found a way.

As I am a Reiki healer, Reiki II, and have a website, blog and online shop, I just added A Marianne Keil Special to my online shop. Reiki Healing Information here.

If you want to help and add to the fund here is a way for people around the world to do it.

If you will buy the special for 10.00 dollars, you will receive a distance Reiki healing session for 15 minutes every week until 31.12.2014 via my Reiki Note book, where I already have a few names in and I am sending Reiki Healing to everybody who is written in the book at least every Monday for 15 minute and sometimes more, as I send Reiki to it immediately as soon as I add a new name

I feel this is a really wonderful idea. You will not only do a good deed, but you will even receive something if you donate to the Fund.

I will pay at least 50 % of all money collected through this Marianne Keil Special offer to the Fund and will keep you updated and I will post all transactions or cheques I will pay over to the Fund here on the blog.

Additionally I want to ask you to press it, re- blog and share this post to all your followers and friends.

I suppose there is not one of us out here in the blogging world who does not know a loved one who has or had cancer, or even died of it.  So please help me here, to be a great help to my friend and family by donating.

If you want to donate and receive the Reiki Treatment, please state your name and one word conditions for what you would like the treatment for, e.g. Marianne Keil, Cancer, or financial, or trauma….. and if you do not want to receive Reiki Healing, please also state it and I will contribute the whole amount to the fund.

For all other Reiki Healing sessions on my online shop and also for the one on ones here for Windhoek people, I will donate for all other Treatments bought and booked 50 % to the Marianne Keil Fund.

Want to do something special, a good deed for others and something special for yourself at the same time? Please buy and book a session with me now, as I only have limited appointments per week available.


One more pictures of our trip to Erindi.IMG_2320

Hurry up. Be special all around…..

Love and light







MY INNER VOICE or trust and believe

Lately I am working a lot more on my iPad. I just downloaded the WordPress app and feel drawn to write a little update.
So let’s see what is new around here.

First of all I am off my Prozac like medication (again…) and it feels great. On Thursday the mark of counting climbed to 2 years and 4 month. Nearly 2 1/2 years,since my son Matthias gained angel wings and I had to give my best every day to survive. It was not easy and we experienced lots of ups and downs, as the followers of my blog can recall. (Any first time readers, please feel free to scroll to my posts and add your lovely comments and if you like what you see, please follow me on my journey)

The all over situation here is more or less ok. I’m feeling a little depleted nowadays, I kind of lost all my zest and energy concerning my job in the kindergarten. I’m trying to figure it out, but cannot come to any solution.
I so thought this job would be the optimal one, a permanent one, my life purpose, the children. Why do I feel I have to move on again? Am I overdoing my motto
“Do what you love / listen to your inner voice” too seriously? Aren’t there situations you should ignore it for the practical issues, like I have a secure income and the working hours and holiday times are very convenient? I’m lost here. What more do I want? Is it only a spur of a moment feeling, because my energy reserves are depleted? Fact is there is a change in management to come, which I am uncomfortable with. Is this a reason to my unhappiness? Is this reason enough to give in? Or should I ignore my inner voice and think reasonable?
Another fact is, my family and some friends would freak out, if I would quit. This is for sure. They have seen me bloom in the last 1 1/2 year since I have started this job. They would not understand it at all and will for sure convince me to stay. This it what makes it so difficult for me. They have seen me happy and content in the last year. It was a huge step back into life for me and I guess also for them. Seeing me being “happy again” must have helped them on their ways too. And I am grateful for that. We deserved that all together after this tragic accident. To finally see a tiny bit of light at the end of the tunnel.
But what is the big picture behind all this? The signs and messages I receive from Matthias are that he died to help me on my way. To gain more knowledge about what really is. He died to show me the path to the Universe. To see the truth. To open my narrow minded consciousness. Just like Jesus did. He died for me so that I can rise above the believes we were taught throughout our whole lifetime. Starting the second we were born. And forgetting our true abilities. To forget who we really are, what we really are. Love and light.
This is Matthias’ mission. This was his first message to me, when I turned my unbearable grief towards the Universe via taking Reiki sessions shortly after he died. It didn’t make so much sense then, but I am surely must have been more conscious now to see behind the veil to understand the full meaning of all there is. And I feel obliged to take on Matthias’ offer with all I am.
Actually this erases out all my previous question above. How wonderful writing your thoughts down can turn out. It always amazes me how inspiring writing is. And the immediate messages you are getting afterwards.
Now all makes sense again.
This doesn’t mean that I will quit head over heals now. I have to let patience and time work for me. And I have to trust and believe and remind myself daily to be grateful for all I have. In time the right doors will open for me and I will see new opportunities coming my way abundantly in all 7 areas of my life.
I thank my beloved son Matthias for all he has done for me and for always putting me back on the right tracks. And I thank the Angels for helping me to be patient, which is not my biggest attribute, and to trust my inner voice and never forget to just believe in miracles.

For now,
Love and Light to all of you


A WORD TO MY STEPFATHER or love conquers everything

I feel it is time for another post.
It is maybe the 20th time I am starting a new post, but I am always procrastinating, another coffee, another cigarette ect and then there is no time for it anymore.
Maybe I am also searching for the right words, for something powerful to say. And I guess this time is now.
Recently my stepfather also went back to Germany for good. He never said goodbye to us and usually I would be kind of angry about it, but something in me changed. I am not, ok my husband is, but that is not my monkey, not my circus. Nice saying, I often read this on fb lately and I am trying to use this words to make me feel better, when something occurs, or better say to stay out of negativity.
First of all I want to address my stepfather now, before I explain why I am feeling that something had changed me, my behavior or looking at certain things, situation with different eyes.

I have to do this now for the highest good of all involved, but especially for the healing of myself.
I am not beating around the bush now, I just say what is on my mind, before I procrastinate again.

Dear stepfather

I know that we had our differences in the past and we never came along very well sometimes. But not everything was bad. I remember our little outings through the Stadtwald Lippstadt on Sundays or the walk through the Trim Dich Pfad. Every Sunday we went to visit our grandmother and had coffee and cake at her home. In the evening, when we went home, sometimes we stopped at the Eisdiele and we all got a treat, and sometimes we just stopped at Salvatore and got pommes and Currywurst. This was always a delight for me. Whenever we went shopping on Fridays we kids could spend DM 2 each to buy us some sweets, chips or cool drink. Sometimes when you came home from work you had an surprise egg or Springbrause for us. Just to name a few impressions I remember now. And most of all, we always had a nice roof over our heads, we had enough food and a warm bed and blankets. And you never ever hit us. This is more than a lot of other children have nowadays and I want to thank you for that now.
When I was in trouble during my 2 1/2 years in Germany, you send me my mom to comfort me. Maybe you did the best you could with 3stepchildren and we tried to do our best as well. Maybe this was not enough sometimes, for me, for you. But nevertheless it was the best we could at that stage.
So here again I want to thank you for everything you did for us in the past and I want to let the bad memories rest.
I wish you and my mom all the best for the second start. Look after her nicely as she is the best mom ever…..
I am so sorry that your mom died and you never had a chance to see her again. I only have good memories of her….

Love Claudia

Whenever I had to visit my doctor after Matthias died, he said that I should try and ask Jesus for help, for answers and he said he will pray for me and my family. A year later, I met a wonderful colleague at work and after a few weeks I found out, that she belongs to the same church as my doctor. Recently, after I had back problems and needed physiotherapy, the lady send me an SMS after my first session, that she wants to pray with me for healing. When I went to her again she took my hand and started praying for me and my family. She also belongs to the same church as the other two beautiful people. I do believe in God and the angels, but never was a keen church goer. My colleague invited me to come with her to church one day and I will go with her in time. She also gave me a bible as a gift. They all belong to the Agape church. I am actually Roman Catholic. But what I have read and heard about this church and people is wonderful. I started praying to Jesus to help me, to come into my heart and I am feeling better than ever now. All the modern holistic books I have read actually reflect the words we can find in the bible. And a lot of positive proverbs and saying do also. No matter how we call it, God, Jesus, angels,and all the different names of other religions, fact is there is a higher power, the universe whatever. And if we believe in it, we will feel better, we feel save, we feel appreciated, we feel good.
We feel loved.
First of all you have to forgive yourself, start loving yourself and the rest will come to you like magic.
Stop your karma now by forgiveness. Be grateful for every little thing in your life. Have compassion for others. Do how you want to be done upon yourself.
I hope, no I know that I stopped the , no I turned the circle of life into the right direction by writing this post, at least what my family concerns and this I have learned by the spirit of Matthias.
As I have said before, these words are hovering in my mind for a long time and whenever I thought about writing this post, I got a sign from him.
A few weeks ago on a Saturday, when I came outside a white dove was sitting in our drive way. When I went inside to get the camera it was sitting in a tree nearby and stayed there for a few days. A few days later it was there again. And even at work in kindergarten the white dove flew over the playground one day, when I was upset.

Yesterday when I was thinking about to write this post, a tiny little feather was twirling before me for a minute or so, before it landed next to me on the floor. I picked it up and put it in the cellophane bag of my cigarette box, but unfortunately I threw the packed away, before I could take a photo and save it into my little treasure box with all the signs from heaven. Maybe I can get it out later, if it is not so far down into the garbage already and make a photo for you.

Photo1680 Photo1682picked it out with a braai tong

So I will look into my heart now for my higher self, for Jesus, for Matthias, whenever I feel all the monkeys are bothering me again(not my monkeys not my circus) to find my balance again, my peace, myself and let the ego disappear and only find love and compassion for me and for all people concerned for the highest good of all.


Amen, Namaste

Love and light

I haven’t read the post through again, so if it is a little bit deurmekaar or got writing errors in it, please forgive.

TRYING TO STAY POSITIVE or the middle way will do



Reading a facebook post today saying:

trying to see the positive site of life is not so easy

got me into thinking.

I always “preach” the positive thinking, re-post positive quotes, reading and collecting books about positivity like

Abraham- Hicks

Chicken soup for the soul

The Secret and the sequels thereof

Doreen Virtue’s Angel books

Dr. John F. Demartini books

to name a few of my favorites.

And of course everything my dear friend Jutta Dobler writes.


But Am I living it as well as I “preach”it?


I thought so, but lately there are a few things bothering me a lot.

And this is the problem. Should I name it? Should I tell it? Or should I find a different approach to it? Is it only my Ego speaking, wanting to hurt me? Or is it just me, the whole me, body and soul, who is telling me to get it out, so it can start healing again?

After a few weeks of consideration and reading the sad post on facebook today, I feel obliged, by what or whoever, but I feel I have to write about it. and so be it.


Where do I stand here? After nearly 22 month since my beloved son Matthias died?


I have been on and off Prozac or equivalent to it, which made me gain over 15 kg. After my latest breakdown in April last year, I had to take double doses to cope. I am off Prozac since November last year again, started smoking instead, to get rid off the restless legs/ panic attacks feelings, which I still get in the evenings. Or I started smoking instead of eating my way through this awful feelings in the evening, to avoid more weight gain. And to try to reduce my weight.

Why? I always say it is not the outside but the inside what counts!!! And still people with their thoughtless comments about being overweight, being on a diet, not eating what they actually love to eat, just to stay thin and unhealthy!

Yes, unhealthy, not being overweight is unhealthy, being too thin is also unhealthy and an addiction. At least in my opinion.

Still I am trying to lose weight and cannot find out, if I am doing it for myself or just to please people, to avoid their comments and the way they look at me.

Or is it just the way I perceive it? Take on their views of it?

I am not doing only unhealthy things to lose weight, but also trying to eat and drink healthy food. I am trying to adapt the vegetarian diet and want to achieve to be a raw food eater. Drinking a lot of lemon water, eating and drinking coconut oil (a teaspoon full into coffee is very delicious) and trying to adapt healthier and cheaper ways of cleaning my house, e.g. vinegar and baking soda.

What about exercise? Good question. I am trying, but I finally realised that the trauma and all the medication had an effect on my physical body. Not that I was an exercise freak before, but sometimes I feel as if I am years and years older than I am actually am. I cannot get up out of a chair without experiencing joint pains all over. My feet hurt, my knees hurt, my back hurts.I guess a side effect from all the Prozac? Or is this true, that a huge trauma can change your DNA overall? Please comment on this subject, if you have heard about it or experienced it as well.

And still, my answer to the question:

How are you?

is always:


And it seems, that is the answer some people are glad to hear. They expect it to hear. Oh, she is on Prozac, she should be fine… we can go on with our lives. Be it in person or via social media…..the people want to hear a lie, or so it occurs to me. Why would they ask then a question like that and be happy with my answer?

I could tell them over and over again, that I am not fine. I could tell them about my aches and pains, but do they actually want to hear it, or is it me, who does not want to get cut off, by their answer and avoid the truth:

Oh yeah, I also have this and this and this…..

I know that they care, but still I feel offended some times. Not understood. Being alone.

Even if I am emotional on a good track, I love my work with the kids, it keeps me going. My own kids are keeping me going. I can live with the loss of my son now, but this does not mean, that I will ever, ever forget him, will forever miss him, will ever and ever have the missing piece in my heart. Will forever be hurt by the loss of my child and the ignorance of some people around me, who I feel, treat me as:

Oh, Prozac, good she is fine, we can go on. No need to be there for her anymore, Prozac will do that job now.

Maybe I am wrong about that and as I have said, I know that certain people really care, but they do not show it to me. Or I cannot longer see it.

Maybe that is also only my perception of the situation.

I tried to figure out, if this is only my ego speaking and a few times I could turn it off before, but as it comes up time and again, I needed to tell it today.


My kids are the only hold I have and I will forever stand behind them and do whatever I can to make them happy.

I work really hard and so does my husband and we spent and forever will spend all our money on them. We did this before the accident and we will continue it now. Money has not the same grip on me as before the accident anyway.  But this is hard to understand for some people. And actually I feel I do not have to explain myself here.

I am glad that my eldest son studied for 4 years and did not graduate due to the trauma of loosing his brother. Some say waste of money. I say, you cannot take the knowledge away, or give knowledge to someone due to a piece of paper.

I am glad that he got the offer of his best friend’s father to work for them in the panel beating/spray-painting department, to learn it from scratch.

Even if this is not what he had studied.

I am so grateful, that he is “back”. Alive, happy in his own way.

That is all that counts for me, not the lost money I have spent on his studies or that he has no graduation papers. I know what he is capable of and I need no more proof to just show off to the world.


My youngest son is in Germany at the moment, doing temp work for a year now, earning his own living. He is still looking for the right profession to learn.

Some call him to have an attitude and that he should take whatever comes his way.

I say, I am proud of him, not doing so, even if it would mean to pay all my money into his bank account to cover his monthly costs.

He has more or less a dream what he wants to achieve and to become, so he should go for it, even if he has to say NO a few times to opportunities, which would not be his dream carrier, but would earn him money.

So let him have an attitude, but he knows what he wants and lets nothing else stand in his way to reach it, just to please other people.

And this is called courage.

I have no fat bank account behind my name, but I would give all I have to him, in order to help him reach his dreams. And also for his big brother.

I do not ask rent or grocery money from my kids.

I do buy them clothes on my account.

I fill up the petrol tank for them and I am so grateful for every year they still spend at home with us.

This is not payable by any amount of money!

I will buy my child a ticket to come home for Christmas from my bonus every year, even if it means that I could not have a holiday on my own. To be with my son means more to me than money at the bank or a holiday at the beach.

Spoiled? Cannot work with money?


The well-being and the presence of my kids around me are all I need to live. And I so bitterly know, that money cannot buy everything. Even paying for a medical aid for years, couldn’t bring the ambulance, who might could saved Matthias’ life, in time to the accident scene.

In return I am getting all their love. And if they are unconditionally happy, even for a short time, gives me another step back into live. My kids are everything to me. And unconditional happiness is so rare in our lives since Matthias died, that we have to treasure it more than all the money in the world.


Where does this bring me back on the positive track again?


I guess it is still the fact that counts:

It is not the things people do or say to you which are hurting you, but your own perception of it.

But on the other hand:


Don’t do just to please others.

Speak your mind, carefully, and I hope I did here, to get a clear conscious again and to go on then.


The secret is to find the balance in all of it.

For me:


I have told what was lying heavy on my chest for a long time and while writing this post, my migraine was healed miraculously.


For you:


Feel free to take out of this post whatever you need along the way, or just ignore.

Your choice.


And for the writer of the starter facebook sentence:

Don’t be so hard on you. It is fine to have a bad day once in a while and hang out in sentimental and melancholic avenue, just make sure you turn out of it into the middle way again. Lots of love.



Love and light


Feel free to visit my Reiki Website here






















GUILT or doing nothing at all for a while

I just read a quote on FB saying something like this: Why not doing absolutely nothing for a whole day- this is good for the soul

And I thought, well, might be true, but why do we feel guilty, as soon as we only think about doing absolutely nothing?

I even feel guilty sitting in front of the laptop, not dressed yet at 10h00 in the morning, even if it is  Saturday….my husband is getting his top up session with neuro balance brain optimising, Ralph is getting ready for BIWAK (Windhoek carnival season starting off today) No need to rush at all, but still this nagging feeling, go get a shower and get dressed, do something worthwhile, do the washing, clean the fridge…anything. But do something.

Being an estate agent now, working mostly from home and business being quiet at the moment is getting me down already. Feeling I am not doing enough, while waiting for people to call me about their property, even if I place ads, driving around canvassing (looking for houses) printing pamphlets and distributing them on various parking bays, I still feel guilty not ‘going’ to work, sitting at a desk (even if I do at home) from 8-5 ‘working”.

What defines ‘working’ for us? And what defines ‘doing nothing’?

For me working means doing something to get paid for, making a living. Doing nothing means to me,  doing something I do not get paid for, I have fun doing it, doing something not expected from me, like cleaning, doing the dishes and washing, cooking, shopping for groceries ect. Just doing what I love at the moment, like now, I feel like writing this posts.

We are so programmed by society, by our upbringing and about lots of other media, that we do not listen to ourselves, deny our own feelings about what might be good or bad for us, just want to please all others by doing what they expect from us, but not what we, our body and our soul might need the most at the moment. As soon as we do what pleases us the most at the moment, guilt is making its way back into our conscious, or at least this is the situation in my life. And it is hard to deny, to not listen to it, not jumping up, doing the dishes, sweeping the floor or rearranging the tupperware cupboard, but doing what makes you happy at the moment.

It is so ridiculous, knowing you deserve a time out, knowing that the cupboard was cleaned and rearranged the other day, but guilt it something someone planted into your conscious years ago by saying some odd phrases to you and you have to live with it for the rest of your life. Or find a button to just switch it off, not listening to the ‘you should do instead’ phrases. Blend them out. Easy to say, hard to do….any tips are welcome.

Its Monday again, was too busy doing nothing for the whole weekend, so I had no time to finish this post..ha,ha, just kidding….

Ok, Monday….I have not found a way yet, to overcome the terrible guilt I feel by not ‘really working’. I should be happy about knowing I did all I could to promote me as an estate agent, did some canvassing (no results) wrote some ads on FB, reading and answering my mail, confirming a house viewing for Thursday and being at the pharmacist, where we have a lady who is doing Bach Flower Remedy and getting some ‘help’ there for this nagging feeling of being restless, worthless, impatient, feeling guilty.

But I guess the best advice , I read again on Jutta’s blog today, is creating a mantra or affirmation, as she did overcoming the Monday blues by saying “Thank God it is Monday”.( And tomorrow we say “Thank God Monday is over…….)

Lets see if a mantra or affirmation will bring relieve.

What is your experience with doing nothing, guilt and affirmations? Or experiences with Bach Flower remedy or other homeopathic remedies at all?


This is one of the bach flowers in my remedy especially made for me: exactly how I feel right now…

“Those who are liable to times of gloom or even despair, as though a cold dark cloud overshadowed them and hid the light and the joy of life. It may not be possible to give any reason or explanation for such attacks. Under these conditions it is almost impossible to appear happy or cheerful.” – Dr. Edward Bach
Depression, deep gloom for no reason
Human indication:  When you feel depressed for no reason. Like a dark cloud that destroys normal cheerfulness.
Animal/pet indication:  If your pet seems depressed for no reason

And last but not least a few images  to cheer us all up:


Coloured Easter Eggs, any tips, news about Colour Therapy?


Amarula Cake made for Easter


My new hobby :crocheting bracelets

Any tips on crystals or semi precious stone beads? Heard to drill a whole into a crystals or stone will affect the vibration?



Ralph’s newest screen printing T-shirt, done yesterday evening


A few more granny squares for Sabina’s blanket

And have a lovely week.

Love and light.